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Questions To Ask Before Divorce

Praying Scripture Over Your Childs Life

UnPHILtered: What To Ask Yourself Before You Divorce

Jodie Berndt loves to pray for her children. Shes been doing that for the past thirty years. Now she helps other parents to talk to God, asking for the salvation of their kids, and for wisdom, self-discipline, purpose, a future and much more. She offers fun and practical encouragement that moms and dads can put to work immediately in their daily lives as they prepare their children for a life in Christ.

Whats Missing In My Marriage

Feeling attracted to your heartthrob from college doesnt necessarily mean your marriage is doomed. But it could be exposing serious problems. Do you feel overlooked or taken for granted? Has your partner become irritable or mean?

Overwhelmingly, we hear that people have affairs because they feel hurt, neglected, or abandoned, says Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist and one of the founders of Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples. They are seeking solace with another in attempt to feel lovable and wanted.

Perhaps youve tried to connect more meaningfully and your partner has ignored your pleas. Before you give up, try a new approach.

You might say something like, I am feeling so alone in this relationship, and I really want to talk about it, says Johnson, who is also the author of Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships.

Opening up like this can be difficult, but it could be the start of a new way of communicating. If your partner seems perplexed, defensive, or outright hostile, it might be time to see a seasoned couples therapist.

Do You Need Someone Elses Advice

Don’t be afraid to seek outside help before youve actually made a decision. It is better to consider several points of view before radically changing your life. Consult your friends that you trust and ask your relatives opinion if you consider it appropriate to do so. You might also want to visit a marriage and family therapist . Again, it is better to try out all your options now than regret your decision later!

Read Also: New York State Council On Divorce Mediation

How Much Do You Earn

Its common when a relationship breaks up for one person to have been left in the dark about finances. If one spends up at Space Furniture, believing its easily financed, and the other hits the roof, the cracks start to widen.

You have to set boundaries around finances based on understanding what you both earn and whatyour budget is, Cade says. Credit card debt, assets, HECS are all crucial and you have to work out whether to have a joint account or personal accounts as well.

Cade says its common for one party to have a house deposit or been given the money by family but, without a financial agreement, that money is split in half when the relationship ends.

What Does My Support System Look Like

5 Questions to Ask Before Considering Divorce

Do I need to expand it? Asking for and accepting help can be one of the most challenging and one of the most important parts of getting through divorce. Make a list of what would be helpful and who you can ask. Include things like picking up kids, going on a walk with you, or bringing over dinner.

Make a note of your priorities and use your asks to accomplish those priorities. One cautionary note: be careful about soliciting too many opinions about your situation. You know whats best for you and your family, and if you need clarity around decisions and prioritizing the flood of information, consider engaging an unbiased professional, such as a coach, lawyer, or mediator.

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Will A Prenuptial Agreement Hold Up

When you draft a prenuptial agreement, you are taking steps to protect your assets should your marriage not work out. While this can be a sound financial tactic, it will prove effective only if the document holds up in court. If the agreement was signed involuntarily or a judge decides it is grossly unfair, it may not be enforceable. A North Carolina divorce attorney can review your prenup to pinpoint any vulnerabilities.

Moms Raising Sons To Be Men

Mothers of boys have the special calling to shape future men of God. Popular speaker Rhonda Stoppe, mom to two sons, knows this opportunity is a challenge, a joy, and probably the most important work of a womans life. Drawing from years of experience, this inspirational resource will revive the faithfulness and fortitude a woman needs to partner with God as they shape the character and heart of a future godly man.

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What Will The Impact Be On Our Children

If you have children living at home, you need to think about how a divorce will affect their lives. As much as you will try to maintain their routines and provide a sense of normalcy, their lives will be changed significantly.

Unless their parents have frequent loud arguments or there is abuse involved, children want to live in a home with both their parents. And research indicates that children are better off emotionally when they do live with both parents, even when the parents are unhappy.

Kids do not want to be shuttled between two households, and you might not like it either. You might come to regret your decision, especially when your ex-spouses new love interest starts spending time with your children or brings other children into the mix, creating a so-called blended household.

As for your prospects, the chances that youll find lasting love the second time around, especially with kids from both families trying to co-exist under the same roof, are not promising.

Statistics have shown that in the U.S. half of all first marriages fail. But the second time around that rate jumps to 67% and if youre willing to try it a third time, a whopping 73% of those marriages will fail.

With that kind of odds against you, might it not be worth it to ask yourself just once more: Is there anything we can do to make our present situation better?

Are You Really Ready For Divorce The 8 Questions You Need To Ask

8 questions to ask before getting divorced

Your marriage is in question and youre facing a real dilemma. You may be the one who is deciding should you stay or should you go.

I feel like I need to get a divorce and end this so called marriage. Yet how can I be sure? Some days I feel more confident of my decision than others. A part of me still loves him or at least I care for him. I dont think I am in love with him, but what if I make a mistake. A lot of people will be affected by what I decide. Maybe I should not rush ahead with this. Thats amusing since I have been thinking about it for three years. This whole thing wouldnt even be an issue and I could forget about this divorce, if he would just change his behavior.

Or you may be the one who has just heard that your spouse wants a divorce.

Divorce? Where did that come from? Two weeks ago we were talking about a vacation in the mountains. I had no idea our marriage was this awful? I am shocked and devastated. I have got to find a way to put a stop to this. Maybe this is all a dream and when I wake up things will be back to normal.

Most books and articles on divorce are written based on the assumption that once a couple says they want a divorce that they are ready for divorce. It is our experience as therapists and divorce coaches, who have helped many people through this process that this is in fact not the case. Usually when couples begin the divorce process, either one but more often than not, both, are not really ready for the divorce.

The 8 Questions

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Questions To Ask A Divorce Lawyer Before Hiring Them

You want to ensure that a divorce lawyer knows what they are doing before hiring them. After all, you want them to represent your interests and get what you deserve when legally separating from your partner.

  • Experience

One of the first things you should ask when you want to choose a divorce lawyer is:

How much experience do you have?

It can put your mind at ease to know that you are selecting an experienced lawyer who has dealt with cases. This means they know a lot about the law and what issues can crop up in divorces.

  • References

Something else that can offer you peace of mind is asking for references. These will allow you to see what other clients have said about this divorce lawyer and make sure they have had a good experience. Indeed, a divorce lawyer should accept this request, and they should be able to provide you with a few to read.

  • Costs

You will have to ask about costs when choosing a divorce lawyer. This is particularly true if you are on a budget. After all, you do not want to end up in financial trouble due to your divorce. It might be the case that a divorce attorney cannot give you an exact price. But, they should give you a cost range that you can expect at the end of proceedings.

Do You Have Business Interests That Might Be Affected

If you and your spouse co-own a business, it is important to consider the impact that a divorce could have on your enterprise. The options available may not be ideal and you will have tough decisions about remaining in business together, offering a buyout package or potentially selling the business.

Read Also: Is Spousal Support The Same As Alimony

Questions To Ask Yourself Before You File For Divorce

Before you file for divorce, ask yourself:

  • How will a divorce impact me financially?
  • How will a divorce impact my day-to-day life?
  • Are there other options?
  • Lets take a closer look at each of these so you can make the most informed decision possible. We also recommend consulting with a Stockton divorce lawyer who can explain the divorce process to you and answer all your case-specific questions.

    Will You Be Handling My Case Personally Or Passing It Off To Someone Else At Your Firm

    8 Questions to Ask Before Divorce

    You may meet a divorce attorney whose personality and style you really like. You may click with this person and look forward to working with them through your divorce proceedings.

    So, what happens when you find that you are not actually going to work directly with this attorney, but rather with a junior partner from their firm? This can naturally be frustrating. To avoid this, we recommend simply verifying that the attorney you speak with is the one who will be doing the bulk of the work on your case, and that they are the person with whom you will be directly communicating throughout the process.

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    Can You Still Trust Each Other On Financial Matters

    When you feel to take divorce, one of the most important questions that you should ask yourself is, do you still trust each other regarding money?

    Money is the most essential thing in our life. At a time when the world is going through crises, you need money. Money is needed to run the house, which is a very basic day-to-day requirement.

    When a partner starts doubting the other one regarding financial matters, it is a situation where there is little chance to save the marriage.

    Yes, there are chances to save it. For that, you need to let go of many things and make some huge efforts. But if you dont see and feel the basic trust and if you feel fear of losing your part of the chunk then opt-out. That is the best solution.

    What Have You Done To Try To Fix The Problems

    If you have never been to marriage counseling together, then what would be the downside to trying? Alternatively, maybe you did try, but it was not your best effort. Perhaps the therapist you chose was not a good fit for one or both of you. Or, as is sometimes the case, one or both of you were not completely honest about everything.

    At this crisis point in your marriage, seek out a highly qualified marriage therapist. Now is also not the time to be cheap about it. This is too important a decision. Chances are you both have been poor problem solvers regarding your marital issues and need professional help.

    Go into counseling with an agenda for change in yourself, not what you want to change in your partner, to have a much better chance of success.

    Would My Life Be Better Without My Spouse

    This is a really tough question to ask yourself, but it needs to be asked. This is about finding your happiness and its entirely possible that that just isnt something you can do while being married to this person. Look at your life the way that it is now, and then envision that life without your spouse. Depending on which option looks more attractive, youll have your answer. According to Babul, It comes down to envisioning, Im stagnant. And, if I get away from being stuck here, will I then go and get the things that I hope I would get with my partner?

    Do You Want To Work On Our Marriage

    15 Questions to Ask Before Hiring a Divorce Lawyer

    Ask your partner the tricky question of whether he or she is willing to improve your relationship and, if so, why. If they answer that they love you and feel connected and attached to you, it’s a great sign! However, if they want to work on your marriage for the sake of children or financial reasons, divorce might still be the better option.

    If you catch yourself thinking in terms of others in this marriage, it may also be a good idea to leave. Reevaluating and rebuilding your relationship is worth the effort when love is still in place. The good news is, if you and your partner still share affection and are ready to change, you can definitely give your marriage another try!

    Am I Listening To The Right People

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    I am a . We live in a world full of on-10-skepticism, so you already know there are folks who question whether or not I’m qualified. One, I’m a child of divorce you’d be amazed the kind of insight we have. Two, the divorce rate is pretty high I’m not so sure half of all married people are automatically insightful themselves. Three, I have heard some of the most toxic advice on marriage given by married peopleeverything from telling single people to never do it to advising their married friends to manipulate, lie, controleven cheat.

    I recently read that Spike Lee, Michael B. Jordan and COACH are working together on a short film project about the power of our words. It’s a reminder that words can make or break us. While positive ones trigger the hormone oxytocin and make us feel strong, safe and secure, negative ones encourage us to have a fight-or-flight response to situations.

    As you’re processing what to do about your relationship, what kinds of words are fueling you? Are you listening to people who support marriage ? Are you paying attention to couples who are willing to share how they made it through their own hard times? Or are you constantly on the phone with individuals who are gassing you up to believe that divorce is your best option?

    Be careful. Words influence us. Very much so. This brings me to the next question.

    Before You File For Divorce: How Will A Divorce Impact My Day

    You may not think divorce will impact your day-to-day life that much, particularly if you and your spouse have been separated or you rarely spend time together. However, if youre a former stay-at-home mom who hasnt been to work since you had children, its a big prospect and it can be overwhelming. Youll have to plan to get a job, find caregivers for your children and, in many cases, change your schedule around to accommodate visitation and your own time with the kids.

    Youll have to plan for these things during the divorce process. Typically, parents address things like childcare while theyre working out a custody agreement. Your attorney can help you make the right plans, too you dont have to do it alone.

    If There Is A Way To Save The Marriage What Would It Be

    The Rev. Kevin Wright, the minister of education at the Riverside Church in Manhattan, suggests this exercise: On one side of a sheet of paper or computer screen, make a list of what you think you need to do to save the marriage, and on the other side, what your spouse needs to do. And make sure your spouse does the same. Its important that both of you perform this exercise. Otherwise, he said, this question can very easily become a question all about what the other person needs to do.

    How Can I Makes Sure I Am Not Left Without Access To Cash If I Do Leave

    Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Divorce

    ‘Your accounts, insurances and pensions are likely to be entwined,’ says Hannah Maundrell. ‘You need to know who theyre with, what youve got stashed away and how you can lock them down if your partner goes AWOL. If you can both access the accounts, youve both got the right to take the cash out – bear this in mind.’

    Am I Prepared For The Financial Stresses That Come With Divorce

    Think about what happens to the family money after a divorce. It now needs to support two households. That means two rent or mortgage payments along with all the expenses, like taxes and utilities, which go with them.

    And those multi-car insurance discounts? Theyre gone, too.

    Well, you see where this is going. Maintaining your former lifestyle just got harder, if not downright impossible. If youre not ready to make financial sacrifices, maybe youre not ready for divorce. Here are a few questions to ask yourself up front:

    • Do I have funds to pay for an attorney?
    • Can I cover basic living expenses if my spouse denies access to our accounts?
    • Can I afford to keep the house, with all the responsibilities of repairs and upkeep?
    • Would it be smarter to rent?

    And some suggestions to consider:

    • Open a credit card before you file.
    • If you havent been managing the money, learn how before you file.
    • Set up a budget to help you determine how much youll need to cover your monthly bills.
    • Ask an attorney how much youre likely to get in spousal and child support, so youll know if you must supplement it with your income.

    Since you should be thinking about finances early in the divorce process, its a good idea to meet with a financial adviser and talk to a lawyer to get a handle on what everything will cost and to get an idea what your financial life will look like when youre on your own.

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