Negotiating A Settlement May Notbe Possible
Before attempting to negotiate a divorcesettlement with a narcissist, consider whether it is possible to reach fairterms yourselves. For narcissists, winning means that their opponent gives upand gives in to whatever the narcissist demanded, no matter how ridiculous.
A narcissist will typically refuse to be reasonable during meditation or other settlement negotiations. They might make absurd offers, stall the negotiations, accuse you of wrongdoing, and refuse to budge.
If you wish to attempt mediation with your spouse,be prepared for the process to be difficult and to stand firm on what you needfrom the divorce. Talk with your Boston divorce attorney about your spousesdifficult personality and tendencies. Develop a strategy for how to handlemediation sessions as well as when you will end negotiations and ask the judgeto make a decision.
Some negotiation strategies you can use are:
- Gather as much paperwork as you can as soon as you can. Once the divorce begins, your spouse might make it difficult to gainaccess to your financial and tax records. Gather as many records as you can,including all of your banking and credit card statements, other investmentrecords, your retirement savings records, any records of loans or other debt,and several years of tax returns.
- Clearly define what you need and what you can let go of. Knowing there are certain things you can give up can make it seem likeyour spouse is winning.
Hiring A Negotiation Attorney Ahead Of Divorce In Michigan
Just because you hire a divorce attorney doesnt mean you are headed to trial. Sometimes you can negotiate what you can, and hire attorneys to sort out the rest. The attorneys will negotiate with each other, speaking to you and your spouse individually or at a four-way meeting, to sort out the details of any complicated or high-tension issues you were unable to resolve on your own. This is similar to a mediated divorce or attorney-assisted mediation, except that there is not a neutral facilitator to guide your negotiations.
Know What You Want And Need
Knowing what you want sounds so simple. Yet so many people wander through their divorce wanting whats fair without ever stopping to consider what fair really looks like. They can often tell you what they DONT want. But ask them what they DO want, and its hard to get a straight answer.
Yet, when youre negotiating a divorce settlement you have to know exactly what you want. You also need to know what you need. If you dont know what you want and need, youll never be able to negotiate a divorce settlement that satisfies those wants and meets those needs.
But what many people dont realize is that they also need to know what their spouse wants and needs, too.
The more you have insight into what your spouse wants and needs, the more you can negotiate in a manner that will satisfy both of you. Sure, at this point you may think you dont care about your spouses satisfaction. But knowing where your spouse is coming from is critical in negotiating a settlement that will actually stick.
The more you can create a win-win situation for both you and your spouse, the more likely you are to succeed in settling your case amicably, and on terms that you want.
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Ways A Spouse May Prolong The Divorce Process
1. Abusing the discovery process. It is normal for both sides to ask for evidence during the divorce process, but some spouses may drag out your divorce by filing excessive requests and motions. Suddenly, you are asked to produce huge amounts of information, bringing the process to a crawl.
2. Asking for a continuance. Your spouse may tell the judge that he or she did not have enough time to prepare for a hearing and request a new date. While you need a good reason to file a continuance, your spouse may simply be able to say that he or she has not gotten legal advice yet.
3. Going back on their word. Divorce usually involves verbal agreements of some kind between parties for example, they may agree on who is staying in the home or which accounts should be used for expenses. If a spouse wishes to delay the divorce, he or she may suddenly go against a verbal agreement, causing new issues to arise.
4. False accusations. In an especially acrimonious divorce, a spouse might accuse you of abuse or child neglect and he or she may file a protection order. This can complicate both divorce and child custody.
5. Forcing you to file motions. Your spouse may delay the process by hiding assets or other devious tricks, forcing you to file motions to collect accurate information about his or her finances. If your spouse doesnt cooperate, this process could take significant time.
Focus On Interests Not Positions
After divorce papers, theres nothing more important during divorce settlement or divorce negotiations than to remove yourself from positional bargaining. This is the time to allow yourself to focus on the main interest that youre trying to satisfy.
Focusing on positions is the equivalent of drawing a line in the sand when it comes to divorce negotiations. Unfortunately, this is rarely helpful especially at the beginning of the negotiation. It is much better to focus on the interest that youre trying to satisfy, as well as the interests that your spouse is trying to satisfy.
A position might be that you will not pay your spouse a penny more than $1,500 a month in alimony. Your spouse may take a position that she will not settle the case for anything less than $2,500 a month in alimony. Dispositional targeting can quickly create a stalemate, and no resolution will take place for you guys on your alimony or spousal maintenance issue it could also possibly blow your entire divorce case into a drawn-out conflict.
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Keep Your Emotions In Check In Divorce Negotiations
The narcissist may want to keep the divorce conflict going by deliberately trying to anger you. It is essential to set clear boundaries and not waste emotional energy reacting to their drama. The emotions surrounding your divorce will fade over time, but the decisions you make in the negotiation process may have practical ramifications for years.
Negotiating A Divorce Settlement With A Narcissist
Narcissistic behavior by one partner often leads to marital struggles and eventual divorce for couples in Georgia. Unfortunately, this type of conflict may continue throughout the marriage dissolution process, despite your best wishes to remain civil and settle certain issues outside of court. A narcissist will often attempt to make their divorce as difficult as possible as a way of maintaining control.
Based on prior actions and behavior patterns, you may feel discouraged or intimidated regarding how to negotiate a divorce settlement with a narcissist. However, there are certain things you can do to navigate the Georgia marriage dissolution process more successfully. Reach out to our team to learn more.
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What Should I Do If My Spouse Refuses To Sign Divorce Papers
No one enters into a marriage believing it will end in divorce court, but unfortunately, life goes in unanticipated directions, and a significant number of marriages come to an end. Divorce is a difficult process, both emotionally and legally. Divorces are challenging even when couples agree to part ways amicably, but when one partner doesnt want the marriage to end or refuses to sign the divorce papers as a means of punishment or control, the process becomes even more distressing.
Many people facing a particularly contentious or emotionally fraught divorce worry that their spouse wont sign the divorce papers. What happens in California when one spouse refuses to sign?
How To Bring My Ex
Director at Dobinson Davey Clifford Simpson
When a couple separates, it is not uncommon for one of them to initially resist participating in settlement negotiations. It may be because one person is not emotionally ready to face moving on. However, it may be that one of the parties refuses to negotiate because they believe they are in a more advantageous position compared to the other party and wish that situation to remain unaltered for as long as possible. For example, one party may be living in the former matrimonial home and the other party may be paying the home loan. In other cases, the party in the stronger financial position may wish to continue business activities without the other party having visibility of those activities for as long as possible. Or it may be that the children are spending more time with one party than the other and that party does not want the situation to change.
The unwillingness of a former spouse to participate in negotiations can cause significant frustration for the party who wishes to achieve a settlement and move on with their life.
In this article, we take a look at how to negotiate a divorce settlement and the ways a family lawyer can assist you when a spouse resists entering into property settlement negotiations.
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Failing To Consider Your Spouse’s Eligibility For Social Security Benefits
If a couple is married for 10 years or longer, a non-working or lower-earning spouse is entitled to derivative social security benefits on the higher earning spouse’s record. These derivative benefits do not impact or lower the worker spouse’s social security payments, which is why it’s so ironic that the average length of marriage for people who get divorced is about nine and a half years. Waiting just another six months may guarantee increased retirement options with no reduction in payments.
For more information on this topic, see Social Security Benefits After Divorce by Lina Guillen.
What Happens When You Have A Mortgage On The Family House
Things can get a little more complicated if your home has equity, but is subject to a mortgage. Thats because youll need to make sure that the selling spouse is removed not only from the title to the house, but also from the mortgage. If the selling spouse isnt removed from the mortgage, they will remain responsible for it after divorce, and could face a foreclosure if the buying spouse fails to make payments.
Removing a spouse from title is relatively easyin most states, one spouse can simply give a quitclaim deed to the other. Removing a spouse from a mortgage, though, can be trickier. Ideally, the lender would agree to release the selling spouse from the mortgage, so that the buying spouse assumes all responsibility for the loan. Unfortunately, most lenders wont do this, leaving the buying spouse with no choice but to refinance the mortgage in their name alone.
Specifically, if you have a mortgage loan with a $175,000 balance and $50,000 in equity in the house, youll need to refinance with a loan for $200,000 to pay off both the original mortgage and buy out your spouses portion of the equity. The refinance would work like a normal home sale where your spouse would transfer ownership to you upon payment.
Refinancing When Interest Rates Are Rising
If youre facing high interest rates if you refinance, but strongly desire to remain in the family home , be sure to shop around to find the best refinancing rates. You could also consider:
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Five Ways Your Spouse Could Delay The Washington Divorce Process
One of the most common questions we field from our clients is, how long does the divorce process take? Unfortunately, the answer depends heavily on how cooperative and motivated each party is. If both spouses are prompt and compromising, a divorce can happen relatively quickly. But if one spouse wishes to delay and drag out the process, it can take literally years to reach a final settlement. Now that we understand why your husband or wife might be dragging out the divorce, we turn to common tactics used to delay the divorce process. Here are five ways your spouse might attempt to drag out your Washington divorce:
Know Your Bottom Line
One of the most important negotiation strategies you must understand when dealing with your ex is to know your bottom line BEFORE you negotiate. As Kenny Rogers says, You gotta know when to hold em and 0know when to fold em.
If your spouse wont settle on terms you can live with, then you have to be ready and able to walk away. That means you have to know what you can and cant live with before you start negotiating.
It also means that you have to have the courage to reject proposals that fall seriously short.
Whats more, youve also got to know whether your bottom line is realistic.
You may want the sun, the moon and the stars in your divorce settlement. But if the most you are legally entitled to get is a passing asteroid, then clinging to your desires isnt smart. Its ridiculous.
When your bottom line isnt realistic, negotiating a fair agreement is next to impossible.
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Understand Your Goals For Your Divorce Settlement
It can be very easy to get caught up in specific wants from your settlement, or even to stop your spouse from “winning.” Instead of taking a short-sighted approach, you’ll want to consider your long-term goals for how you want your life to be after your divorce, taking care to prioritize your financial future, family’s future, and setting yourself up for a better life moving forward.
Consider what you want your post-divorce life to look like. If you want a clean slate and a fresh start, you may consider discussing liquidating assets, paying off debt, and splitting the leftover money equitably while protecting your investments and retirement funds. On the other hand, if your goal is to have primary custody of the children and maintain a familiar, secure setting, you may want to position your goals to support this outcome such as buying out your spouse for the house.
A divorce attorney can discuss your goals with you and determine what you need from your settlement to achieve them. This can provide you with effective negotiation tactics of knowing what to fight for and what to let go.
Intentionally Holding Up The Divorce
One reason a vengeful spouse intentionally delays the divorce is to make it expensive and more stressful for the other spouse. Unfortunately, there are so many ways in which they achieve this.
Spiteful spouses often ask for continuances of hearings without a good account. Delays may also occur due to the continual change of attorneys. Most attorneys dislike getting involved with overly emotional clients in divorce cases. In most cases, they will request to be taken off a case to avoid drama. If this cycle continues, the divorce could be delayed a great deal.
Higher-earning spouses may also look to delay the finalization of divorce by refusing to provide vital documents during discovery and declarations of disclosure. Without these documents, it becomes difficult to make any decisions tied to the financial situation of that spouse, including making a settlement offer.
Some spouses will also take issues to court when there isnt a need for court intervention to delay the process and make it gruesome for the other spouse.
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Take Stock Of Your Assets And Liabilities
It’s very simple to focus on what you and your spouse have and what you want in your settlement – the house, cars, savings accounts – those all seem up for grabs. Rarely are finances and belongings so straightforward though. Instead, start by taking stock of all your marital assets and liabilities, this includes:
- Health insurance policies
- Household goods and furnishings
Having all the information and documentation to back it up will allow you to determine what is best for your outcome. For example, while you may want to ask for the house, consider if you can afford the mortgage or the upkeep on the house, or, if you both have large debts, if it may be better to sell off assets to pay debts so you can both move forward. Knowing what you have can direct you to knowing where you want to be.
Your Spouse Cannot Stop The Divorce By Not Participating
Once you officially begin divorce proceedings, the only way your spouse could put the breaks on is by showing up to court with a lawyer and participating. If theyre not willing to do that, dont worry. Your divorce will move forward. Whether your spouse is refusing to acknowledge the divorce at all or is stubbornly refusing to sign the papers, this actually works in your favor.
Minnesota Statutes Chapter 518 relates to marriage dissolution and Statute 518.13 defines that if a summons or divorce is not responded to, it goes into default and therefore can be handled and completed in a default fashion.
What this means is that if your spouse refuses to participate or be represented, the proceedings can continue without them. This makes you the only party negotiating for the final divorce terms. Lets walk through the process step-by-step.
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Beginning The Buyout Process
If youre doing your divorce yourselves, the process of dividing an asset as large as the family home can be a daunting task. A home is often a couples largest assetor their biggest burden. No matter whether you have a lot of equity in the home or are underwater, consider consulting with a family law attorney to make sure youre not leaving any money on the table. A family law attorney can help you brainstorm ways to make the terms of the buyout satisfactory for both spouses, or help you find a knowledgeable real estate broker if you decide that a buyout isnt the right solution for your divorce settlement.