Positive Things To Do After Divorce
1. Manage Conflict with PeaceJesus is a great example for how to conduct ourselves in the face of conflict. He kept himself calm by knowing God was still in control even as His enemies were attacking. He spoke out to His disciples sharing that He knew they were going to betray Him but He left the consequences of these actions in Gods hands. You cannot control how your spouse behaves during or after the divorce, but you can control how you act and treat other people. Treat them with the respect they deserve as the parent of your child, or at least as a fellow human being even if theyre acting like some sort of alien from outer space.
3. Challenge the Lonely Feelings with Benevolence While Single and HealingFeeling lonely after divorce is a real concern of many of the women I speak to. It seems to be the biggest struggle that Christian women face while working on healing. When the divorce wasnt wanted in the first place, feeling lonely seems to be an added consequence to an already mounting list. But we learn in the Bible that singleness is a gift from God. It may be hard to see it as such when youre feeling so much pain and loss. But its often an invitation to seek a relationship with the One who knows how to cure the pain and fill the void.
Key Passages And Exceptions Where Divorce Is Allowed
For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage .
This may be the only instance where one is released from their marriage without any sin occuring. Though, in this case, the person would become widowed, not divorced.
But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery .
As mentioned previously, adultery is one of the few reasons a divorce may be permitted. When adultery happens, the marriage covenant has been broken. However, in some cases, a couple can restore their relationship after unfaithfulness with Gods help.
Divorce In The New Testament
We need to look carefully at what Jesus said about divorce. He was confronted by legalistic Pharisees who wished to embroil him in an ongoing argument among rabbinic scholars of the day. The school of Shammai maintained that a woman could be divorced only for adultery, while the school of Hillel had derived a whole battery of reasons justifying putting away ones wife: finding another woman who was more attractive, burning a mans dinner, spinning in the street, untidy hair, even a dog-bite that did not heal. Their major objective was to find a pretext that enabled a man to send his wife away but retain her dowry. In this context, Jesus vehemently condemned the practice of divorce.
This system created patterns of adultery, divorce and remarriage that wreaked havoc in human souls. Divorce was done at a mans discretion, and there were few options for a woman except to remarry or become a prostitute. This was not Gods purpose in the creation of male and female, given to one another to reflect the glory of God in lives of loving commitment.
Christs purpose was not to create a legalism that would lock people into life-threatening situations. Indeed, it was his repudiation of legalism that caused the Pharisees to hate him. We need to look beyond legalism to the purposes of Gods life-bringing law. As Jesus said, Their teachings are but rules taught by men. You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to the traditions of men. .
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What God Has Joined Together Let No Man Separate
In the beginning of the Book of Genesis, we see God made us male and female. He gave this first couple, and then all mankind, the instruction to be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth. But in Genesis 6, man openly rebelled against God. Genesis 6:7 tells us God said, I am sorry that I have made them.
There are four words listed in The New Strongs Expanded Concordance of the Bible that mean dissolution of the vows. The word in the book of Mark is Strongs #647, the Greek word apostasion. It is defined as Separative. A defection. A standing off. Writing a bill of divorcement.
Jesus quotes the Old Testament in the Book of Mark and adds further clarification:
But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and the two shall become one flesh consequently, they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate .
Praying Scripture Over Your Childs Life
Jodie Berndt loves to pray for her children. Shes been doing that for the past thirty years. Now she helps other parents to talk to God, asking for the salvation of their kids, and for wisdom, self-discipline, purpose, a future and much more. She offers fun and practical encouragement that moms and dads can put to work immediately in their daily lives as they prepare their children for a life in Christ.
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Regardless Of Peoples Past We Should Welcome Them Into Our Churches
We cannot unscramble scrambled eggs. Here is what I mean: Many people have divorced and remarried without knowing or being committed to the teachings of Jesus. God wants us to meet them where they are and help them understand and obey his teachings.
In Scripture we find that people came to Jesus and the church from various kinds of issues. The apostle Paul described samples of those lifestyles, including those who came from backgrounds where people had been entrenched in sexual immorality, adultery, and homosexual behavior. Consider the words of the apostle Paul:
Do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men.And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
The 3 Grounds For Divorce In The Bible
A divorce may be initiated for different reasons, including the following:
- A husband or wife has committed adultery
So while God hates divorce, he does offer permission when remaining married is harmful.
Anytime one of these sinful acts has been committed, the one-flesh union between a husband and wife becomes violated.
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How Can Divorce Be Loving
It is the final act of giving someone the freedom that comes with love. It is a willingness to give up all of your hopes and dreams for your own life, marriage, and family, and submit to what your husband wants. What he really wants.
How can we know what he wants? A healthy person who is about to lose the one they promised to love and cherish, upon learning that the harm he is inflicting is causing a permanent rift in the relationship, would say I dont want this to happen. What can I do to fix this?!
But if its gotten this far. If there have been consequences all along the way, starting small and becoming more significant , then we already know that his heart isnt in it. He doesnt want you. If he did, hed have done something by now about the harm hes doing.
Thoughts If Youre Considering Divorce
1. Trust the Lord, dont trust yourself. Relationships can cause hurt, and hurt people find it hard to think straight. God knows all, sees all, and works everything together for your good. Trust in the Lord and what He says in his Word.
2. Realize that the answer to suffering is not always to move away from it. God sometimes calls us to follow Him by walking into or remaining under suffering.
3. Contemplate that God is accomplishing a purpose in your sufferings.
4. Wait on the Lord. Dont act hastily. Keep doors open. Only close the doors that you are certain God says you should close.
5. Dont just trust that God can change someone elses heart. Trust that He can change and renew your heart.
6. Meditate on Scripture related to the issue of marriage, separation, and divorce.
7. Whatever actions you consider taking, ask whether you can take that action for the glory of God.
-7 Thoughts If Youre Considering Divorce excerpted from 11 Important Thoughts for Those Considering Divorce by Randy Alcorn on Crosswalk.com
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How To Restart Life After Divorce
Life after divorce can either be better or worse, depending on your own peculiar situation.
If you have not, surrender your life to God, and let him take over now.
You need to use the opportunity to seek the face of God to know how he actually wants you to continue living your life.
It is also time to serve God. Spend your time, and resources for him.
One thing is sure, God can mend broken homes, he can restore all what has been lost.
What does God say about divorce to those who are already separated?
He is saying it is not time to start looking for another relationship, or living a reckless, sinful life.
It is a time to rebuild that which has been pulled down, so as to have a good start at life again.
What God Says About Divorce
Pastor Scott L. Harris
What God Says about Divorce
Selected Scriptures
When a society abandons Gods word as its standard of morality, then it will reap the consequences. The greatest threat to the family in our society is its dissolution through divorce. Our divorce rate is not high because families are decaying, our families are decaying because so many husbands and wives are following their own will instead of Gods design for marriage and the family. This leads directly to family strife, divorce and then family dissolution. Divorce has a high cost financially, personally and for society since it erodes the foundation of a healthy society.
Last week I gave an overview of what Jesus said about divorce in Matthew 5:31,32 and we found it was in contrast to the self righteousness of the Scribes. They thought themselves to be righteous because they got their legal paper work done when they divorced their wives for whatever reason. They really were not much different from what goes on today. People now divorce for a whole host of reasons, but most people still try to justify themselves in doing so. He is this or she is that or “it is better for the kids” or “we were just incompatible.”
Turn to Matthew 19 and lets first see Gods intention for marriage as well as why divorce was allowed in the Old Testament in the first place.
1) Marriage is intended to be permanent
2) God hates divorce .
4) God allowed for divorce in certain situations
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Jesus Specifically Allowed Divorce For Infidelity
Matthew 19:9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.
Note that Jesus does not say this is the only reason for divorce. We find other reasons for divorce in Scripture. For a quick 7-minute video explanation by Rev. Dr. David Instone-Brewer of Cambridge, see this.
Truth #: Its Not Your Life
To begin with, once youve accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, your life is not your own not that it ever was. That self-deception should be on its way out.
What then? Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you, who you have from God, and that you are not your own?
For you are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are Gods.
Claiming Jesus as Lord over your life means you now live for Him. You now have a new owner. Youre under new management. After all, you were bought.
Therefore, we defer to the Living Word for our direction and to the Written Word for our final authority, regardless of how we feel or what we think. Our feelings and circumstances are temporary, but His Word is everlasting. This truth should be the guide to every facet of our daily lives, marriage included.
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The Spiritual Battle For Your Marriage
God designed marriage to reflect His love to the world and because of this, the enemy wants to destroy Gods beautiful design. Based on his book, Defending Your Marriage, Dr. Tim and Noreen Muehlhoff share about the reality of spiritual warfare against marriages, and how to combat the enemys lies with the truth of God. Couples will be encouraged that theyre not alone in the fight for a godly marriage and better equipped to be a shining example for the world around them.
Truth #: Trust In God Not Your Wayward Spouse
When it looks like our marriage is rushing headlong into the rocks, what do we do? Do we trust God? I mean, do we really trust God? Or do we take matters into our own hands?
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
If were trying to control our significant other, their behavior or our situation, we are taking justice into our own hands. Some common tactics may be manipulation, negotiation, self-defense, neglect, threatening, guilting, begging, lying, yelling the list goes on. Our spouses behavior might take us by surprise, and going on the defensive, we may automatically react with the tools we most understand. Suffice it to say, this far too often does not look like Jesus example!
There is an old story of a scorpion and a frog that may help illustrate what youre dealing with if you find yourself struggling with your spouse. This illustration works particularly well if your spouse is an unbeliever.
In this account, the scorpion was true to its nature. Scorpions sting. If we consider the nature of an unbelieversomeone who is living apart from the revelation of God, the saving lordship of Jesus Christ and the indwelling of the Holy Spiritwe can expect to be stung occasionally. Jesus said it best in John 15:5 when He said, I am the vine you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.
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Adultery Abuse Abandonment Are Biblical Grounds For Divorce
by gbaskerville | Jul 28, 2020 | Divorce Bible Verses, Do I have biblical grounds for divorce?
MYTH: God forbids all divorce, or all divorce is sin unless it’s for adultery.
TRUTH: Scripture shows that God gives permission for divorce in many situations. And modern Bible translations no longer translate Malachi 2:16 as God saying “I hate divorce.” The NIV, ESV, and CSB do not translate Malachi 2:16 as God saying “I hate divorce.”
In my interviews with Christian divorcees, Ive often heard that they stayed in an unfaithful or abusive marriage for decades because they were taught that divorce was a sin.
This myth says that all divorce is forbidden by God, sinful, and unpardonable in Gods eyesor, similarly, it says that Jesus or Paul never mention the topic of physical or emotional abuse, so those must not be biblical reasons for divorce.
In reality, Scripture shows us Gods permission for divorce in several places. In addition to adultery, sexual immorality, and abandonment, emotional and physical abuse is mentioned in the Old Testament and repeated in the New Testament, but weve never seen it because we arent looking for it. .
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So Unbreakable Is The Marriage Bond That There Are Only Two Biblical Provisions For Divorce:
Infidelity: In Matthew 5, our Lord establishes infidelity as grounds for divorce. It has been said, Whoever puts away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement, but I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, except in the case of fornication, causes her to commit adultery: and whoever marries she who is divorced commits adultery.
Death: The second biblical foundation for divorce is given in 1 Corinthians: The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will only in the Lord.
Hardness of the heart wants to quit before death us do part.
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